Every woman has experienced a moment where something happens with their body and they wonder, “Is this normal?” For many of us, we were conditioned not to discuss taboo topics openly from an early age. This creates a culture of shame, causing people to live with things they don’t need to out of fear or embarrassment of talking to a trusted source or doctor.
We’re here to get rid of the stigma around vaginal health and promote the open conversation around women’s sexual health. No one should feel awkward or ashamed for asking questions about how their body works. There’s no reason to be embarrassed to go to the gynecologist or to ask vagina questions. It’s part of life! And something we need to embrace. That’s why we’re exploring some commonly seen as embarrassing vagina questions to get the conversation started.
13 “Embarrassing” Vagina Questions That Are Totally Normal To Ask
While it may seem like these are “embarrassing” vagina questions, the reality is that most women experience the same things and have the same questions. So let’s get rid of the stigma and have some honest conversations about our bodies! Keep reading for answers to common vagina questions.
1. Why am I leaking when I sneeze, run, or do other everyday activities?
Many women think of leakage as an inevitable part of getting older, having babies, and just living a normal life. The reality is that doesn’t have to be the case. Most cases of bladder leakage are a result of the pelvic floor muscles atrophying due to high impact workouts, pregnancy, or aging. Kegels are proven to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, and exercises like Kegelbell can treat and prevent these sorts of symptoms.
2. I’m feeling a heaviness down there. Is that normal?
Heaviness in the pelvic floor region is definitely something to talk to your doctor about. A feeling of heaviness can be an indication of pelvic organ prolapse (POP), which is when the organs start to descend because the pelvic floor muscles aren’t strong enough to keep everything in place. There are four stages of prolapse. Stages one and two are treatable with pelvic floor strengthening, but once a woman reaches stage three or four, it may require surgery or other alternative solutions.
3. Is it normal to have fecal leakage months after giving birth?
Similar to bladder leakage, some women come to expect that they’ll live with gas and fecal leakage because they experienced pregnancy and childbirth. The reality is that while directly after giving birth, it’s normal to experience leakage as your body is healing. Enduring leakage can be a sign that the pelvic floor muscles are weak and unable to support the digestive tract and processes. Strengthening the pelvic floor can make it easier to hold back gas as well as have healthier bowel movements.
4. Why am I experiencing painful sex after pregnancy?
There are a number of reasons why a woman might be experiencing pain during sex after pregnancy. Some of these reasons are due to hormonal changes, while some could be due to a challenging recovery process. The bottom line is that it’s important to communicate how you’re feeling with your partner and your doctor to understand how to address the symptoms you’re experiencing.
5. Is it normal to lose lubrication as I get older?
The reality is that our bodies change as we get older, and this is especially true once a woman goes through menopause. The hormonal changes can make it so that the body doesn’t produce as much natural lubrication as it did when it was younger. Fortunately, exercising the pelvic floor muscles can increase blood flow to the muscles and increase natural lubrication.
6. I feel looser than I was before pregnancy. What can I do about that?
While the female body has the ability to create and carry life, it doesn’t mean that it’s all sunshine and rainbows afterward. Laxity is common directly after pregnancy because there has been so much strain on the pelvic floor muscles and occasionally tears or other injury. Fortunately, by taking the time to let the body heal and focusing on strengthening before and after pregnancy, you can help your body recover and achieve real squeeze and muscle tone. Remember, the word “tight” is not useful here. We do not want “tight” constricted vaginas, we aim for a squeeze that is the ability to contract and release. Supple muscles that have great grip when needed, but also can easily and naturally relax and open up is ideal.
7. Is it normal to not be able to hold back gas as well after giving birth?
The inability to hold back gas is also impacted by the pelvic floor muscles and can be addressed through muscle strengthening exercises. While gas is nothing to be embarrassed about, if it’s something that makes you unhappy or you want to take more control over, it’s definitely important to explore ways of addressing it.
8. Is it normal to not orgasm (climax) as easily or as strongly as I used to? It seems like it used to be easier to achieve climax — am I just too busy and distracted?
While it may seem like the realities and challenges of life are causing a change in your sex life and ability to orgasm, there may be an easier explanation. To understand this, it’s important to know that an orgasm is just a muscle contraction. This contraction is controlled by the pelvic floor muscles, so when the muscles are weak, it’s harder for a woman to achieve climax. By strengthening the muscles, women can take back control of their orgasm and their sexual health.
9. Is queefing normal?
Yes! Queefing is just the release of air that becomes trapped in the vagina, and it’s totally normal. Explore more about the topic of queefing and what you can do to prevent it if it does bother you.
10. Are devices like kegel balls or Kegelbell okay to put inside your body?
So, this is a bit more of a complicated answer. The reality is that kegel devices come in all shapes and sizes, and not all are created equal. The main thing to look for is that the device is made of high-quality materials because it’s going inside your body. Avoid anything that’s porous, made of metals or other materials and can’t easily be cleaned. We’ve gone to extreme lengths to make sure our product is 100% safe.
11. What lubes are safe for us?
There are a number of options out there, but the main thing to look for is that the ingredients are simple, that it’s FDA registered and also works with your body chemistry. At Kegelbell, we’re a big fan of just using coconut oil. However, if you do want to use something a little more fun, be sure to do your research before using it. We offer an FDA registered organic aloe based lube that is super moisturizing and can be left to absorb after use.
12. Is there really a way to tell if someone is a virgin?
This may surprise you, but no, there isn’t. The hymen does exist to varying degrees in people, but its presence or absence has nothing to do with virginity.
13. Is my vagina normal?
Girl, yes! Just like people, all vulvas are different, and no one should be shamed about how their vulva looks (the vulva are the external features like the labia whereas the vagina refers more to the canal itself). The only time something may be considered not “normal” is if there’s something that’s preventing activities or is painful. If that’s the case, we recommend talking with your doctor to explore solutions.
Why We Need to Normalize Vagina Questions: A Doctor’s Take
“I found myself in an all too familiar space. Here I was, speaking to my mom and her friends about continence, sexual health, and how I ran my clinic. I mentioned how I have educational materials on anatomy, continence, and family planning in my clinic rooms. One of them asked, ‘But why put that in the rooms? Doesn’t it make them uncomfortable?’
The opposite, I explained. I received a box of educational materials about continence and sexual health from Kegelbell. Quickly, I disseminated the informative materials in my rooms. What happened next is no surprise. Women started asking — women in their 20s, women in their 70s. Many women’s health topics are stigmatized. Periods, pubic hair, sexual pleasure, continence. In my clinic, we discuss it all, using evidence-based medicine and the most up-to-date recommendations.
Having the materials there means that while they wait, they get an idea of who I am and what I am comfortable talking to them about. Immediately after putting the Kegelbell materials in my rooms, women were asking. Is it normal to have incontinence after birth? How long? Is it normal not to be able to orgasm after trauma, for how long? Is it normal to lose lubrication after menopause? And so on. I went into women’s health to work with women to meet their health needs.
One woman in her 60s approached me. She’d had a traumatic relationship years ago. She wasn’t comfortable having sex. She didn’t want to go to pelvic PT and was already seeing a therapist. We discussed the discrete nature of having your own personal physical therapy at home where she could use the Kegelbell on her own time and to her own comfort.
Another woman was seeing me postpartum after her third child. She was having worsening incontinence with every birth. During the height of the COVID pandemic, she didn’t want additional appointments but having something at home that could help was what she wanted.
I have many options for these issues, referrals to therapists, specialists, medications, etc. But unless these conversations come up, the patient walks away thinking, “Maybe this is just normal?” or too embarrassed to ask.
So, no, I replied to my mother and her friends, indeed, the more information I have in my patient rooms, to normalize their questions and their concerns, the closer I can get to helping them achieve their health goals.” - Dr. Dakkak, MD
Take Control of Your Vaginal Health Today
So many women feel embarrassed to ask questions about their bodies, and we hope that these questions help answer some of them and open up a conversation. We encourage everyone to feel comfortable sharing their experiences and opening up to medical professionals or even friends about their experiences, because we all experience many of the same things.
Have more vagina questions? We’ve got you covered. Learn about vagina myths, vaginal care tips, and more on Kegelbell’s blog.